It feels great to be blogging again! I've been so sick, omg! My asthma was acting up something serious! I couldn't even attend the first week of classes, but luckily my professors have been extremely understanding.
During my downtime, in between Albuterol hazes, I've been a voyeur reading everyone's blogs and just taking notes. An old friend of mine also came to visit me from back east. She's a former SB (former because she MARRIED her SD!) and she gave me a ton of advice since we rarely get to speak much these days.
Well after chatting with her I felt empowered and I even have a new outlook on things. I came to the conclusion that I'm withholding from anything sexual. Unless I'm attracted to you and WANT to have sex, then I'm not doing it. She basically told me that I'm too good for that and to not lower my normal standards because I'm dealing with POT's. Basically what she meant was if I normally wouldn't sleep with a man, my age, who I genuinely have an attraction to, until I was good and ready, why would I sleep with a man I'm not attracted to, when he's ready?
She made a lot of sense.
She also told me to stop spending so much time on POT's. Everyone is different, but she told me I should take about a week in the POT stage. A few days to get comfy, meet for dinner, drinks, talk arrangement, then BAM! That should be enough time.
The best advice she gave me was to apply my rules in "normal" dating to this world as well. "A man is a man is a man."
One thing that also stuck out to me was when I told her about former POT's. She laughed, sucked her teeth and even sighed when I told her about the different men. For example, Mr. Refinery:
Oh he's a done deal now! She had me email him and she coached me what to say. She told me to ONCE AGAIN explain that I needed help with my school fees. This time I told him I needed help for my books. I actually low balled; $500 (my books are WAY more than that, but she wanted to PROVE a point to me). He hemmed and hawed again, telling me he had no access to his money since he was oversees. She told me to drop him immediately. THEN he emailed me again ten minutes later; he informed me that he was going to Dallas for a few days and he wanted me to join him. I emailed him, "I would love to go and spend time with you but all my money is tied up in school."
Do you know this man told me, "Don't worry about it. all expenses on me."
Yup!
I continued to be student to my friend and she pointed out WHY he was a big no-no and what not to do the next time. First, she said it was obvious from start he was lying about his financial situation. Secondly, she didn't like the fact that he couldn't even try to fly out to Cali to see me on my terms, you know to make me feel comfy, since I've never met him yet and he could possibly be a psycho. And finally, she said the entire "relationship" was one-sided; She pointed out how he got long conversations everyday, got his ego stroked and didn't do anything for me when he could've. She then told me how he played me; always told me that he "loved" me, but couldn't even send me a few bucks to make sure his "baby" was okay. Then she said it was so obvious because he was waiting to spend money on his terms, not for me, but for himself...sending me a plane ticket, because "he wanted to get fucked and sucked" (such language! lol!).
She told me, "Why would he give you any sugar, he didn't have to! You gave him everything he wanted with nothing in return! Lonely man, oversees wants someone to talk to and you email him for damn near 9 hours a day!"
Well I told him, "Thanks, but no thanks." and he became really angry with me. He even told me (after I said NOTHING TO HIM), "At least I'm not selling my body to pay my bills."
Um, okay. That didn't hurt my feelings in the least bit! LOL!
What's crazy is that this crazed man then emailed me AGAIN, telling me sorry, that he loves me and that he didn't mean what he said and that he's ashamed of himself.
I guess. He's now blocked from emailing or calling/texting me.
In other news, I've met a few more POT's. Let's see how it goes so I can update!
Also thanks for all the advice I have gotten so far! I'm still a work in progress and I'm still learning so feel free to always tell me when I'm wrong! :)
