Good Morning!
It feels great to be blogging again! I've been so sick, omg! My asthma was acting up something serious! I couldn't even attend the first week of classes, but luckily my professors have been extremely understanding.
During my downtime, in between Albuterol hazes, I've been a voyeur reading everyone's blogs and just taking notes. An old friend of mine also came to visit me from back east. She's a former SB (former because she MARRIED her SD!) and she gave me a ton of advice since we rarely get to speak much these days.
Well after chatting with her I felt empowered and I even have a new outlook on things. I came to the conclusion that I'm withholding from anything sexual. Unless I'm attracted to you and WANT to have sex, then I'm not doing it. She basically told me that I'm too good for that and to not lower my normal standards because I'm dealing with POT's. Basically what she meant was if I normally wouldn't sleep with a man, my age, who I genuinely have an attraction to, until I was good and ready, why would I sleep with a man I'm not attracted to, when he's ready?
She made a lot of sense.
She also told me to stop spending so much time on POT's. Everyone is different, but she told me I should take about a week in the POT stage. A few days to get comfy, meet for dinner, drinks, talk arrangement, then BAM! That should be enough time.
The best advice she gave me was to apply my rules in "normal" dating to this world as well. "A man is a man is a man."
One thing that also stuck out to me was when I told her about former POT's. She laughed, sucked her teeth and even sighed when I told her about the different men. For example, Mr. Refinery:
Oh he's a done deal now! She had me email him and she coached me what to say. She told me to ONCE AGAIN explain that I needed help with my school fees. This time I told him I needed help for my books. I actually low balled; $500 (my books are WAY more than that, but she wanted to PROVE a point to me). He hemmed and hawed again, telling me he had no access to his money since he was oversees. She told me to drop him immediately. THEN he emailed me again ten minutes later; he informed me that he was going to Dallas for a few days and he wanted me to join him. I emailed him, "I would love to go and spend time with you but all my money is tied up in school."
Do you know this man told me, "Don't worry about it. all expenses on me."
As my friend so eloquently stated, "This nigga can't send you a little cash but he can send you an airplane ticket to see him? Oh hell naw!"
Yup!
I continued to be student to my friend and she pointed out WHY he was a big no-no and what not to do the next time. First, she said it was obvious from start he was lying about his financial situation. Secondly, she didn't like the fact that he couldn't even try to fly out to Cali to see me on my terms, you know to make me feel comfy, since I've never met him yet and he could possibly be a psycho. And finally, she said the entire "relationship" was one-sided; She pointed out how he got long conversations everyday, got his ego stroked and didn't do anything for me when he could've. She then told me how he played me; always told me that he "loved" me, but couldn't even send me a few bucks to make sure his "baby" was okay. Then she said it was so obvious because he was waiting to spend money on his terms, not for me, but for himself...sending me a plane ticket, because "he wanted to get fucked and sucked" (such language! lol!).
She told me, "Why would he give you any sugar, he didn't have to! You gave him everything he wanted with nothing in return! Lonely man, oversees wants someone to talk to and you email him for damn near 9 hours a day!"
Well I told him, "Thanks, but no thanks." and he became really angry with me. He even told me (after I said NOTHING TO HIM), "At least I'm not selling my body to pay my bills."
Um, okay. That didn't hurt my feelings in the least bit! LOL!
What's crazy is that this crazed man then emailed me AGAIN, telling me sorry, that he loves me and that he didn't mean what he said and that he's ashamed of himself.
I guess. He's now blocked from emailing or calling/texting me.
In other news, I've met a few more POT's. Let's see how it goes so I can update!
Also thanks for all the advice I have gotten so far! I'm still a work in progress and I'm still learning so feel free to always tell me when I'm wrong! :)
Hey Dolls!
I'm back from my little vacay! It was MUCH needed and I feel great! I would feel even better if I found a real SD!
I'm still weeding through the fakes, perves and phonies, but I'm not letting it stress me out anymore. I also wanted to thank all the SB's out there who give out great advice and encouragement for us "newbies". If it wasn't for all of you, I would've drove myself crazy and threw in the towel, so I appreciate all the sisterly love! It truly is amazing to feel frustrated, scared, or angry and to be able to check out another blog and see that another SB is going through the same thing or has "been there, done that" and can offer up advice! *Group Hug*
Now back to business, I've been talking to a POT, Mr. Tech:
He's married, lives out of state and actually has a cool personality. He's a computer software engineer as well. Now I met him on AM; very important because as I stated before I made sure on AM to only check the box for a SD. So I was surprised when he texted me this message after I made it clear to him that I was looking for a mutually beneficial/sdsb relationship:
I'm not sure what mutually beneficial means to me, what I am willing to do and what you/I would want. This is my first time doing this. I'm not a SD and I've never had a SB, but I understand you have financial needs.
Okay, what does this mean? I don't want to jump to conclusions, but at the same time I need someone that's on the same page as me. How should I interpret this?
In other news, guess who's been emailing me like crazy?
Mr. Refinery:
He's telling me that he misses me like crazy, that he LOVES me and that he's so sorry and doesn't want me to think he was trying to string me along. Harsh, but I ignored his messages. Then he emailed me again informing me that the reason he hasn't sent me money for my tuition and other expenses is because since he's out the country, his wife handles everything and that he comes into town in three weeks and wants to see me.
Okay, my gut is telling me that he's trying to get over. That he wants to meet up, maybe he's hoping to have sex (yeah right! he ruined that!), then give me a "little" tip. Another part of me (the nice side of me), believes that he's not lying and that I should keep him around since he did agree to the 3k allowance I requested.
Hmmmm, what's a girl to do?
So I decided to take a break for a bit. Not too long, just enough to relax and rejuvenate. In life, with everything I aspire to do, I give it 110%. Maybe not so good in this world? Finding sugar or the arrangement I want isn't as guaranteed as completing my Master's or getting paid from my regular employer. So when things don't progress as quickly as I want them to or when I don't get what I've worked hard for, I tend to stress out. No bueno.
I've been taking the time to give myself facials, give myself pedicures and I spent a few hours yesterday lounging poolside, listening to my ipod. I know it seems like no big deal, but it is, because the past two weeks have been spent checking my messages on various sites multiple times a day and talking to various POTs via email and text all day long.
I feel refreshed and laid back now ever since I stopped emailing and checking messages. Come Monday, I will jump back in and get back into my routine, but I'm still going to take it easy. From reading other SB's blogs, sometimes it can take awhile to find sugar, so I'm not going to drive myself crazy.
Tip of the day: Take time out for yourself everyday and try not to get so caught up.
I haven't been in this world too long, but when I first started talking to POT's, I found myself unable to express my needs and wants. Even though I would clearly state in my profile that I wanted a SD or on SA.com I would "choose" an allowance between 3-5k, POT's would still ask me what I was looking for or how much did I want.
The very first POT I ever spoke to asked me just that and I recall stammering and looking down at my feet and twirling my hair around my finger (a clear indication I'm nervous) when I told him. I cringe when I think back to that conversation and how foolish I was. Needless to say, because I wasn't more confident he picked up on that and tried to drop the allowance I was requesting (3k) to a measly 300 a month. Ha!
I used a random (thank gosh!) call as an excuse, lied about an emergency and got the hell out of there.
Everyday I'm becoming more assertive, as I should be. POT's are not afraid to ask for as much quality time as they can get and some definitely do not hesitate to throw in a conversation the topic of sex. I've learned that if I'm going to meet their needs, I'm going to make sure my needs are met as well.
I also learned to not reek of desperation. When we're broke or have important bills that need to get taken care of, it's so easy to accept the unacceptable or to tolerate bullshit. Instead of just listening to a POT, watch him. Sure he talks a lot, but does he back it up? Have the two of you been talking for awhile and he STILL hasn't done anything for you? Men pick up on our desperation with a quickness and they will exploit it as much as you allow them too. I'm guilty of this myself and I will never do the same again. One thing we always have to remember is there are so many SD's out there waiting to pamper, spoil and take care of our needs, but we are never going to find them if we keep putting our energy into these fakes that our clearly wasting our time.
With that said...Mr. Refinery
Remember in a previous post I explained that he didn't want to get me anything until we met? Well yesterday I sent him an email and told him that my tuition was due (It's not. This was a test.). He was still beating around the bush, kept explaining how much he cared for me and hoped I didn't see him only as a "business transaction".
I side-eyed the hell out of his response and didn't even write him back. So what you think this is? I'm supposed to be your "girlfriend" for free? And I really don't care about his feelings. He knew what it was when he saw my profile. First of all, this is a sugar daddy site not Match.com. Secondly, I didn't say I was looking for an "old ass, wrinkly married boyfriend". I said "I'm looking for a sugar daddy that can pay for my tuition, student loans and expenses". And finally, he never should've agreed to an allowance if he didn't plan on giving it to me.
See what I mean? We allow them to waste our time and they will. Luckily, I didn't neglect other POT's and I have a few dates lined up this week. From this situation I learned a valuable lesson: Until you give me what I need, I'm not giving you what you need. There was no reason for me to keep talking to him, stroking his ego, especially when he couldn't even send me a few hundred dollars to, at the VERY LEAST, keep me satisfied while we've been talking.
Oh well, on to the next...
Hello fellow SB's!
One thing you must always be prepared for are the highs and lows of this life. One day you can have a SD, the next day, POOF! Or you can have a POT that seems promising, yet he fails to deliver. Always make sure to save for a rainy day or to stay true to your goals! If you're goal is to pay off bills, don't spend all your earnings on nothing but designer clothing and Gucci bags. You'll feel very foolish if that SD drops you and you have nothing to show for it but a mountain of student loans and last season's Prada. Also make sure to keep as many POTS as you can around until you secure a good arrangement with a SD. You don't want to have to start from scratch all over again. In my case, I plan on having multiple SD's for different needs. I want at least 5k a month, not including shopping; enough to pay bills, and to save up a nice chunk.
Introducing POT Mr. Refinery:
He works on Oil Rigs, mostly overseas, so he's gone most of the year, which works for me. He's a nice guy, a little clingy, but I can manage. I know he likes me a lot, so I didn't hesitate to slip in the topic of an allowance during one conversation we were having. He asked how much I needed and I told him 3k; enough to pay my monthly tuition fees and student loans. He texted me back and said that he could definitely do that. I was elated! I finally had my FIRST REAL SD!
Then my phone vibrated again with another text. He continued with "but I can't wire it to you immediately... yadda yadda yah"
He told me previously that he didn't want to give me anything until we met, but that's in five weeks. Okay, I can work with that, I understand, maybe he's scared I will run off with some cash and never speak to him again?
What irritates me is the fact that being a SB is not ONLY about sex. I feel like I'm putting in a TON of work with Mr. Refinery right now. He's married, but treats me like his girlfriend or something. I mean, he wants to talk ALL the time.
So basically, I'm supposed to email you all day back and forth and play lovey-dovey for nothing?
I feel like there are many SD's out there who would help me out and send me some loot for everything I'm giving Mr. Refinery. Sure, it's not sex, but I'm giving him great conversation for hours at a time, stroking his ego, making him feel good about himself. I would think the least he would want to do is make me happy and make sure my needs are met.
Help me out SugarBabies: Am I just being a bitch or are my feelings valid? Am I being too hard on Mr. Refinery? I really don't feel like talking to him another five weeks for hours on end while my needs aren't being met.
Advice?
Let's face it SugarBabies! It doesn't matter that we're on these sites looking for rich men to spoil us and take care of our needs. It's still the Internet. With that said, anyone can PRETEND to be someone that they're not. After all, it's not hard at all. I was going through some SB blogs and even read that other "SB's" had gotten exposed for pretending to be something they weren't. Sick, maybe. Pathetic to pretend, yes. But hey, it happens.
Men on the SD sites are not exempt. Sure you'll get lucky and chat with an actual millionaire but there are many who are currently on food stamps pretending they are CEO's and Bankers. Many of them are perverts waiting for you to send more photographs or cyber-sex them.
It's so important to always use common sense and trust your intuition ladies! Don't ever let their promises of gifts and allowances blind you into doing something that ends up with you being taken advantage of.
And even if they are indeed wealthy, they can still be fakes! Why? Just because they have money doesn't mean they're giving it to you (Shout out to Butterfly!). Until that money is wired into you paypal account or you have crisp bills in your hand, nothing is guaranteed. If you don't use intuition and common sense all you'll end up with is a wet ass, wasted time, or bruised ego...and an empty wallet.
And trust me, I'm still learning! Remember, only a few days ago I made the mistake of driving to a location that was far from me to meet Mr. Banker, only for him to flake on me. I wasn't using common sense or intuition! I received great advice from fellow SB "Butterfly"...but I chose to ignore that advice along with shrugging off my intuition that something wasn't right and I didn't use common sense. See where that got me? It could've been a lot worse, luckily it wasn't. But I did learn my lesson! Here's what happened last night and how I handled it:
I met Mr. Realtor on ashleymadison.com (Red flag for me! How are you rich with this economy selling Real Estate?). I had previously given him my GV number and he called to "check up on me". As soon as he called he a made a point to tell me that I "thought I was smart for using Google Voice.", he then gave a hearty laugh at his own joke. Um, okay.
He asked me what I needed and I told him flat out that I needed an allowance and my tuition paid. He asked me if I had PayPal, to which I told him I did. He spoke some more then asked me if I wanted an IPad. Seems to good to be true?
Not!
One thing I noticed about Mr. Realtor was that he talked a lot, but didn't back it up. If you're going to talk about it, be about it. Now all this time, he had my email and he could've easily sent me some money. Now I know it can be a little rare to have someone send you money the first time you speak, but then why constantly talk about what your going to do (he made it seem as if he were going to send money right then and there)? He then asked me if I had a web cam. I lied and told him no.
Web cam for what?! So your ass can jack off to me and I don't even get a dollar?! Negro Puh-leeze!
Then he started to INSULT me!!
He told me that "I've been looking for someone as intelligent as you..." and when I thanked him he quickly said "Now, I didn't say you were smart."
So what the hell were you saying then?!
Then he asked me the size of my breasts, then he insulted me again!
Ladies, I'm a 34B. I've NEVER had a problem with my breasts. Sure I've toyed with the idea of getting a breast augmentation, but they're perky, I can wear any top I want, a push up bra gives me an ample amount of cleavage and they're a nice handful. Plus, I've never gotten ANY complaints. I'm pear shaped, so my hips, butt and thighs make up for it.
Anyways, when he said that, I laughed a little, shrugged my shoulders and basically told him just that and that if he didn't like it, he could find a big tittied woman.
He laughed, told me he liked my confidence, then said he was testing me.
Yeah right!
I was fed up with the bullshit, so I flat out asked him, "Are you a pimp?"
He seemed insulted, but I didn't care.
Ladies, pimps ARE on these sites! Be careful! All that insulting me was to TRY to break me down, so he could build me up, but it wasn't happening. Secondly, he kept saying he was "going to teach me something." What the hell are you going to teach me?!
He then kept begging me to install skype to my computer so that we can web cam (Remember, I lied and told him I didn't have web cam). I lied again and told him that it would take to long to install.
Just when I was getting ready to get off the phone, he asked "Can you rub your pussy for me?"
I hung up in his face. Blocked him from contacting me on GV or AM.
Ladies don't EVER web cam a POT. This is MY opinion only! Unless they wire you a large sum of money upfront, that's different. Mr. Realtor clearly wanted to jack off, while I would have wasted my time, energy and efforts into a man that clearly wasn't going to give up any loot. And beware of men who request all types of photos from you. They just want to collect photos to jack off! If they keep saying "I want to see what you look like", after they've seen your photos, request to meet up in person.
Remember as the saying goes, "All money isn't good money".
Don't compromise yourself or jump through hoops hoping to be chosen as the lucky one. If a true SD is interested in you, he glances at your profile, writes you and sets a date and time to meet.
I first heard of the SB/SD lifestyle a few years back. I was at home watching Dr. Phil and a special came on advertising the site "sugardaddie.com". Audience members gasped, cringed, shook their heads in disgust. Dr. Phil himself lectured and made the men look like desperate fools, made the women look like users, whores. The show, I felt, seemed to denounce the life.
However, I was intrigued. Fascinated even.
Back in 2007, still in undergrad, I created a profile on "sugardaddie.com". I met Mr. Ducks who was a huge fan of the Anaheim Ducks and would text me constantly. He would always tell me, "I'm going to be a good daddy to you."
Once we planned to meet in person, I damn near passed out from nerves. I had no idea what I was doing and I had no one I could talk to for advice. I went right after classes, dressed like a TYPICAL YUPPIE UNDERGRAD, wearing my collegiate sweatshirt, jeans and pumas (OMG!!!).
He was nice though, not too hard on the eyes and we went back to his hotel room. He ordered room service for us, we chatted and he smoked a joint while I cracked jokes to him, to ease my nervousness. He REALLY was a nice guy.
Well, he sensed my apprehension and must have felt bad for me because he softened his voice and said, "It's okay. You don't have to have sex with me." He then handed me a bundle of money, gave me a kiss on my cheek and sent me on my way.
I later counted the money and was shocked to see that he'd given me $1500, just for TALKING to him.
I never heard from Mr. Ducks again and it's sad because sometimes in this world, you only get a few chances to meet a genuinely nice, generous man.
After that, I deleted my profile and felt maybe I wasn't cut out to be a SB.
Fast forward a few years and once again I became intrigued. To be honest, I got tired of seeing other young women who didn't work while they maintained a fabulous lifestyle of designer clothing, luxury apartments, vacations, and brand new 7 Series...all at the expensive of their older "friend".
Don't get me wrong, I'm never the type to hate on another chick. But I realized that my life of going to school full-time, maintaining full-time employment, while only earning peanuts, just isn't going to cut it.
And hey, how else am I going to pay off my student loans in a timely matter, rather than let them sit around incurring interest?
The one thing that prevented me from taking advantage of this life previously is because I was afraid of what others would think.
But I could really give a damn now.
No one's opinion of me will stop my paper chase. It's not like they're paying my bills!
And this lifestyle will be temporary.
Every SB has a bigger goal in life.
Mine is to pay off my student loans, tuition, start a business , have some fun shopping and living grand along the way. :)
What's yours?
